Thursday, April 9, 2015

Five reasons we can't handle marriage, I think not...

The other day I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and this article, 5 reasons we can't handle marriage anymore, shows up. The title grabbed my attention so like any other nosey person, I clicked the link. The author of said article, Anthony D'Ambrosio, states that he believes in marriage, love, etc. and not surprisingly is newly divorced (he was married in 2012 according to the article). Giving D'Ambrosio the benefit of the doubt I read his opinions about why marriage is basically doomed. I even let his thoughts marinate for a few days, but decided I need to share my thoughts on this matter.

 Reason #1: Sex becomes almost non-existent...
Seriously? He wants to blame the failure of (his) marriage on the stereotypical BS because he couldn't be bothered to make love to his wife "once every couple weeks, or when it's time to get pregnant". What a load of crap. I have been married for nearly 12 years and we still have sex several times a week, and not just going through the motions sex, but hot, heart pounding, make your toes curl, super fun sex. Oh and for those nay sayers who believe his dribble, we have four children and both work full time, stressful jobs as well as normal run of the mill day to day responsibilities. Intimacy and sex are a vital part of marriage and anyone who says otherwise is either delusional or is a liar. If you don't make time for your partnership to flourish then you are doomed to fail. Sex is fun. Sex is healthy. Sex is normal. And if you aren't having sex with your spouse, then don't be shocked when you find out someone else is.

If "it becomes this chore. You no longer look at your partner wanting to rip their clothes off, but rather instead, dread the thought" then you are in major trouble. I agree wholehearted with this. My question is why would it get to that point?  It isn't difficult to make an effort. Send a sexy text, buy some new panties, or simply take your spouse by the hand and lead them into the bedroom.

D'Ambrosio states that we see others who are more attractive than our spouses and that you have to be perfect. Ummm... I am far from a Victoria's Secret model but my husband still smacks my ass, tells me he wants me, sends me naughty texts, and reminds me constantly of his desire for me. When I see him, I still get butterflies, still long for him to touch me, to kiss me. We have fun and play and laugh. We are far from perfect, but we fit together perfectly. Now I know there are exceptions to everything, there are medical and physical reasons why sex may not be possible, but there is no reason why intimacy isn't possible.

Reason #2:Finances cripple us...
Again, pure and simple crap. So what if you are poor, broke, living beyond your means? When we got married I was a waitress and made $2.13/hour plus tips and he made just over $6.00/hour (minimum wage at the time). We struggled. Was it easy? Hell no! There were times we had to choose what bill(s) we weren't paying each month so we could care for our young family. However, there has never been a point where we gave up on our marriage because money was tight. Stop making excuses.

Reason #3: We're more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time...
We live in an age of technology, and yes sending a text is easier than making a call and yes, people spend a lot of time on their devices. I totally agree on that, though I also know that you can connect while being connected and can use technology to your benefit. How you ask? Well, for starters, make technology work for you. Set up your calendar to remind you of important dates, use social media to share photos or send messages (and they can be private messages so you aren't forced to share with the world), as I said previously- send fun and sexy texts when calling isn't appropriate. We even find shows or movies to watch on our iPad and snuggle up in bed to watch together. We could watch on the TV, but getting up close and personal to watch on a 10" screen is fun, plus coping a feel is encouraged when in bed.

Technology makes our lives easier. There is an app for just about everything, and you can use them to do things together even when you are apart. For instance, we are thinking about buying a house and since we work opposite schedules, we can look at houses on our phones and text each other when we find something we are interested in. Of course we could wait until the weekend and do this side by side, but doing it on our free time frees our weekends up to look at the few houses we are actually interested in instead of spending the whole day going from house to house and we still have time to go to the gym together, stop by the books store, and all sorts of other shenanigans.

Reason #4: Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved...
This one is super easy-why not get attention from those we desire and love?? Stop worrying about everyone else in the world and focus on those that really matter. You want a successful, happy marriage? Super! Pay your spouse a compliment. Send them a letter (or flowers or candy or whatever they like). Plan a fun day out, a picnic, a walk after dinner, a concert, or a day at an amusement part to surprise your spouse. You don't need an excuse to have a date and focus your attention on each other. Everyone wants to feel special, so what better way to show you care than to do something for the person you are sharing your life with.

Reason #5: Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you...
D'Ambrosio says that social media is the root of all evil, well maybe I am paraphrasing a bit here but that is the gist of this section. That we share too much leaving nothing sacred. Maybe some people do, but sharing memories, moments, and parts of your life on social media is an awesome way to include friends and family who you can't see as often as you would like into your life. Posting info about my day to day life allows me to keep in contact with loved ones and spend most of my free time with my husband and kids. This reason to me is the silliest of all for a reason marriages aren't "handled" anymore.

"Marriage is sacred. It is the most beautiful sacrament and has tremendous promise for those fortunate enough to experience it. Divorced or not, I am a believer in true love and building a beautiful life with someone...I do fear, however, that the world we live in today has put roadblocks in the way of getting there and living a happy life with someone."

Marriage is most definitely sacred. It also takes work and is not perfect. If you do not and are not willing to put the effort in your marriage will be a failure. If any of these reasons are the reasons you can't handle marriage, I feel sorry for you. Some people get married for the wrong reasons, some people grow apart, some people aren't willing to be active in their marriage, and on and on, but if you stop being intimate, let money get in between you, allow technology ruin your life, seek attention outside your marriage, or are a social media whore you should work on you before you can be a part of a marriage.

Marriage is a partnership and is something you share with that one special person who you can't see yourself without. Think back to your first date, your first kiss, and all your other firsts, if you don't feel that same way (or hopefully even better) then you should reevaluate what has gone wrong so you can get back there. This list is ridiculous. I don't expect everyone will agree with me and that is fine. I believe in marriage and families and love and maybe I am just super blessed and that is why I feel the way I do, but I don't think that is it. I honestly believe that if your marriage fails it is because one or both spouses stopped trying.

I wish you all love and luck and happiness.

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